someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
