I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I didn't notice because vodka
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
