my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
