When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
