The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
