did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
