I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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