I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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