shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
