apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
