how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
im on a boat
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