I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
