Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
