I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
