Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
