so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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