Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
