I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
