why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
