So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
