I seem to have left my pride at pride
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
