Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
