A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
