Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
