he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
