A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
