you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
