The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
