Only a mothe r could love this liver
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
