is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
