I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
