Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
