plz talk dirty to me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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