Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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