Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
