i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
