I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
