Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
