im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
