he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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