How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
