dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
