I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
