Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
