We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
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