worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
