fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
