just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
