I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
