im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
