Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
