I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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