3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
birth control should be required to get into college
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
