I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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